About

Please read: Why I went mad

A friendly warning to future employers, prospective friends, lovers and other people in my life:

If you attempt to judge me based on the content on this website you will probably not be in my life for long. I’ve channelled all my negativity, all my worst fears and pain into this in order to move forward.

To past entities who have done this – shame on you. Everybody needs an outlet. The digital age leads to the temptation of thinking we are all private investigators. Celebrity culture promotes the idea that all skeletons are a sole indication of character. But we are all human.

There will be positive things here too. I like to think as I progress in life and recovery, I can let go of that past hurt and become a richer, more rounded person. But that pain is deep-seated, and this is therapy.

I’m breaking down the barriers. Formerly identifying as ‘schizo’, then ‘psychotic’ and now I would say to you I am a voice-hearer. I’ve been through some things that have left me irrevocably changed. I express my frustration with the daily struggle here in poetry, occasionally in art and sometimes I’ll delve a little into what I understand to be the scientific or psychological reasons for how I am the way I am.

Hearing voices, although uncommon, has always been a part of the human experience. Is there something behind the veil that voice-hearers can pick up on? Is it a projection of our anxieties? The truth is nobody knows for sure, and there have been many times that I have questioned my sanity because things seem ‘too real’ and many times that I’ve heard things that just don’t compute.

“My tricksters, my friends, my drive-me-round-the-bloody-bend constant companions.”

From this post

I’ve speculated over the years, I’ve desperately tried to make sense of what I’ve felt and experienced and this blog, this collection of prose, poetry, blessays (thank you Stephen Fry for coining that term) is a pressure cooker of all these things.

So please stay, have a read and remember that we are all wearing masks, and you will only ever know a person when they choose to take theirs off in front of you.

 

x Jaz

 

26 comments

  1. Hey, I am interested in your password protected pages. I really enjoy your blog though and am interested in reading more.

    Thanks for following me btw!

  2. I only just started using wordpress tonight and you’re the first person I’ve stumbled across and started following. Your blogs are beautifully written and your attitude is so uplifting!

  3. I am a person with schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. I came here because of the Skype Support Initiative. I would like to connect with you somehow to talk. I’m experiencing an upswing in my voices lately and it would be nice to have a safe place to talk about such things or someone understanding that is going through the same thing.
    my email is istralouise[at]gmail[dot]com. I would like to be able to see your password protected entries as well. My blog is http://theresareed15.wordpress.com

  4. What a remarkable introduction. I’m really looking forward to further exploring your creative works. Regarding your last sentence, it’s only recently that I realized that for me poetry is masks coming off.

      1. 🙂 I will have to agree. Art can help us overcome many undesired things. I also believe poetry is a great reveal-er of our (more or less tormented) subconscious.

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