Yoga has taught me an awful lot about healing and recovery, and given me a unique insight into my voices and the way they operate.
Patience and endurance are the key tools I need to develop to recover.
I spent so many years thinking I just had to power through. That’s my Mums mentality. Never stop, never enjoy rest (because on your downtime you’re planning everything else) and never give in.
Is it any wonder that I had a breakdown?
In bikram, your practise is developed through first maintaining constant and steady breath.
Then you work on the alignment.
Once the alignment is correct and you are supporting your body you are ready for depth, but only then.
This is true of life. I hurtled through at one point, barely eating, hardly sleeping and rarely facing up to things.
My voices can manifest in a way that makes me think I have a backlog of worries that I haven’t addressed spanning over three years.
Past events become present, so not only do I feel my current stresses, these past worries are added to them. While the events are very much in the past, the fear, misery, anxiety, self loathing and stress that accompanied them become embroiled with my present worries.
All this means is, instead of approaching everything with a fresh head I have the weight of my worst years on my shoulders and I carry them everywhere.
So what can I do?
I’ve always been terrible at breathing, but by focusing on bringing fresh, positive air into my body and expelling the negative energy I fuel myself, I give myself the things I need and I respect my body.
I am trying to focus on the present, but my voices drag up things from the past. Some of these things are petty and ignorable, some are larger and more traumatic. So for the larger things, the ones that make me panic, what can I do? It’s not always prudent or wise to contact the people involved so how of I resolve this?
Any input here would be much appreciated!
I’ll get to it when I get there.